Funny Quotes

Bring a smile to your face with these funny quotes – you’ll find laughter, humor and a little wisdom. Our collection includes funny inspirational and motivational quotes from famous people and others. We all need humor in life, it helps the challenges we all sometimes face!

You may find that some of them are motivating because they make you think in a humorous but also motivating way. Share them with other people to brighten up their day and make them smile!

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne

I’m in shape. Round is a shape. George Carlin

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. Spanish proverb

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. Jack Handey

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln

Short Funny Quotes

“If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

“Some people just have a way with words, and other people … oh … not have the way.” – Steve Martin

Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes

“Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer

“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

“I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.” – Gena Showalter

“Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” – Steven Wright

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

“I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

“Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman

“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” – Sheldon Cooper

“It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes

“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom

“There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

“You can look to the life from different perspective with sarcastic quotes which express what you really feel on the inside.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes

“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” – John Barrymore

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray

Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes

“It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

“I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” Woody Allen

“End your week with humorous Friday quotes to reenergize yourself and get extra motivation to get through last working day.”

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller

Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

“My theory is that the hardest work anyone does in life is to appear normal.”

Funny Quotes

“Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” – Mary Oliver

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard’, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” – Sydney Harris

“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” – Will Rogers

“That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

“Life is hard, after all, it kills you.” – Kathrine Hepburn

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” – Homer Simpson

Funny Quotes

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

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