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Funny Christmas Quotes

These funny New Year quotes are perfect for Christmas cards, crafts, party decorations, decoupage, burlap, bags, pillows, gift tags and other clip art projects.

Each funny Christmas saying is available for printing in two versions. The first (.jpg) file is a high-resolution JPEG file, large enough so you can save it and open it in Photoshop if you want, and resize it without affecting image quality. The 2nd sign (metal sign) has text already inserted on a metal background with a frame … ready to use.

To print these images more or less, select “Print”, and when the “PRINT” screen appears, select “ZOOM” in the printer settings and zoom out or zoom out from 100% to a smaller or larger size. For some printers, you will need to select Advanced Settings to find the Zoom setting.

Just wanted you to know that you have literally no chance of ending up on the good list of Santa this year. Merry Christmas to you!

Some people have a great year in life and some years have bad people in them. Feeling sorry yet? Just kidding. May your Christmas be full of fun!

Funny Christmas Quotes

I tried to hard to make Santa believe that you’ve been good throughout the year. Instead, I got my presents canceled for being a friend of you!

I prayed that Santa would give you wings this Christmas so you can fly and disappear from the earth forever. Just kidding. Merry Christmas!

You know your life sucks when you have to wait the entire year for Santa to bring you some presents because apparently, no one care to give you a present.

This Christmas is all about feeling special. I hope you spend this Christmas drinking to the point that you completely forget you’re a loser!

Merry Christmas to you. I can see you have a great decoration there. But I think your credit card bill will not be as attractive as your decorations!

One important rule of Christmas; You can eat all the sweet candies as long as you don’t forget to brush your teeth. Merry Christmas!

May you survive the boring speech of priest in the church and join me at the party as soon as possible. Merry Christmas!

Christmas is season of magic and mystery. All your savings for the year will have vanished and you won’t even know it. How awesome!

Funny Christmas Quotes

The reason why everyone makes wishes in every Christmas is that no one’s wish ever comes true! Making Christmas wishes is just a custom! Merry Christmas!

You are too young to go to a club and have a drink and too old to expect gifts from Santa. In fact, you just don’t fit into the joys of Christmas!

I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you are getting fatter than Santa Clause. Even Santa would bully you this for being so fat! Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Messages

Christmas is not only for praying and praising But for drinking and messing around also, Merry Christmas!

Dearest God, this Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!

Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic, Merry Christmas!

Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, Santa asked what are you doing and she answered: Waiting for autumn.

I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Quotes

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!

A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss is not a kiss unless it’s with tongues. So open your mouth and close your eyes and give your tongue some exercise! Merry Christmas!

I don’t understand why people like to say “Mary Christmas.” Isn’t it Jesus’ birthday? We should say, “Jesus Christmas.”

I’ve finally found the true meaning of Xmas, it’s for those people who can’t spell Christmas!

Santa told me you’d been very good this year, I told him it was just lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Quotes

Please allow Jesus to Come and Bless people in Church on Christmas, If he sees you there he may not. So come here and have a party with me, Merry Christmas to you!

There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts. Have a fun Christmas!

A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you.

I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well!

Christmas is the festival of love and spirit So let us drink the spirit to feel love, Merry Christmas too!

Funny Christmas Quotes

Hey you two over there, It’s the old, bearded guy and his silly reindeer! We’re here to bring you holiday cheer and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Santa left batteries under the tree with a note that said “Due to cutbacks, toys not included.

Is Santa so busy that he cannot find time to groom himself? I think he needs to shave his beard.

Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!

I have Kept some photos in my home So come here instead of Church you can drink and pray, And no more boring speech from the priest Merry Christmas and Happy New year!

Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them the rest of the year.

I think Santa must ride a plane instead of sleigh so that he can reach me faster. I oftentimes fell asleep waiting for him.

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

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